frustration

As anyone who has paid attention to my various social media accounts is probably aware, and as I’ve probably already said multiple times here, I really don’t like the writing class I’m taking this semester. On the one hand, I like talking about myself (or my problems, as appropriate), but on the other hand I also don’t like feeling like I whine too much, which is probably why I’ve almost exclusively limited my complaints to social media, my parents, and other mostly textual media. I could make whiny posts on Facebook every day, but I don’t, because I see enough boring/stupid/mundane posts (on a side note, I might be a slight Facebook addict) every day, and my posts that seem to most consistently get “likes” and other interaction generally seem to be puns, humor, and other relatively innocuous fare. At work, if anyone asks me how I’m doing or what’s going on, I generally reply with something vague and uninformative like “nothing much”, because I’d rather not extensively talk about my problems, nobody cares (or so I’m convinced), and it’s innocent small talk.

Getting back on topic, some reading about motivation and study habits has given me a few ideas for potential solutions, or at least things to try. One thing I read recently suggested having separate areas for “work” and recreation, which I think merits investigation. I know I’m easily distracted (as is evidenced by habitually keeping many browser tabs open, among other things), and when working from my desk in my room it’s all too easy to open a new tab and check Facebook (for example) if I get bored (which, with this writing class, is frequently). I seem to remember hearing this suggestion from at least one (and probably both, realistically) of my parents during my freshman year of university, though I don’t remember doing so. I do seem to remember visiting the library at least once, but I think I usually tried to just do my homework in my dorm room (and we can see how well that turned out).

Another solution I’ve been considering that I’ve read (and also probably been told before) is scheduling time to work on classes. There may be people who are disciplined enough to do their online classes right after waking up at sunrise, get everything done at once, and then enjoy their day, but realistically speaking I am not one of them (and not just because I’m a night owl who dislikes having to sleep at all). Time management, organization, and a few other things are, historically speaking, among my weaknesses. (See also social interaction, empathy, and non-verbal communication, but I digress)

I thought there were a few other things I wanted to try, but between my counseling appointment this morning (which mostly seemed to focus on being involved on campus, and not so much my recent lack of interest in my boring classes) and now, writing a blog entry some fifteen hours later (almost two hours after I got off work), I seem to have forgotten them. Making to-do lists was something discussed this morning, I can remember at least that much. I know I’ve tried it before, but my problem is generally that I then proceed to ignore the to-do list after making it, as if I’ve achieved something simply by writing it down, and writing it down will make it happen. Sadly, I’m afraid that works better for fiction than to-do lists.

I’ve also been thinking lately that I spend too much time on Facebook, or at least look at it too frequently – if I only looked at it once a day, or even less, it would no doubt be more interesting than my current practice of looking at it at least a few times a day, if not at least once every couple of hours or so.

I remember being frustrated at work tonight while I was thinking about my frustration with myself and how every class I’ve taken at my current university has been easy, but (for the most part) I haven’t really been applying myself. Of course, as I may have written here before, I’ve noticed there’s a very strong correlation between my grade in a class and my interest in a class (easy and/or interesting? A! Relatively easy, but requiring lots of study and memorization? B or C, maybe). One of these days (if not this semester), I’m going to exhaust the gen eds and start taking upper-level courses, which will, maybe hopefully eventually, be more interesting.

I’m beginning to run out of things to say, and it is, after all, 2 in the morning, so I should probably go get ready for bed. This week I’ve been fighting a cold, and after being congested today I’m hoping that it’s on its last legs. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, I’ll wake up and this rhinovirus will have been defeated.

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