A winter’s day

Originally, I was going to title this post “Hello, world” a la programming, then I thought of “Hello again, world”, which led to “Hello darkness my old friend”, from Simon and Garfunkel, which in turn led to their song “I Am a Rock”: “A winter’s day/in a deep and dark December”. Today being the winter solstice, it seemed particularly fitting (though the sun is shining, and recently the weather around here hasn’t seemed particularly wintry).

So, what’s been happening? I don’t remember offhand when I last wrote here, but I’m sure it’s been a minimum of a few months. In lieu of condensing six (or more) months into a post, I’ll just say that I ended this semester (and my college undergraduate career) on a strong note. Despite unexpected car trouble (after retrieving the book I loaned to my ex-girlfriend), I did well on the final presentation for one class and I apparently did well enough on the final paper for my other class, so I’m satisfied with the results.

I’ve been working less lately, which has been a nice change, though I still need to spend some time over this winter break looking for a new job, or an internship, or something. I think I’ve been burned out on my current job since at least the start of the school year- possibly, if not probably, longer than that.

School and work have been going well, so what does that leave? Well, I had been talking to my parents about wanting computer parts for Christmas, but after talking to them and some thinking, I think we decided it might be best if I just wait until I have another job- I haven’t made any major computer investments or upgrades for over 5 years, so my paltry 1 GB of graphics memory and 4 GB of RAM are showing their age, at least when I play Stellaris. I’m sure if I got a newer computer (or even just doubling my RAM, as I had wanted) I’d notice a difference. I don’t know what to buy any of my family for Christmas, other than a few ideas, and it doesn’t really seem like Christmas (though that may be due to my not paying much attention to the holiday and not feeling particularly festive).

It has been over a year, now, since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up, and it’s been quite a while since I’ve talked to anyone. There have been a few Reddit posts, which haven’t yielded anything lately (one Reddit message a couple weeks ago I replied to did not receive a response), no new matches on dating apps, and of course, as has been the trend since last spring, my ex only talks to me if she needs some kind of assistance. Perhaps this would be better as another entry, but as a brief example, I’ll point to our communication for 5 consecutive days after Thanksgiving, the first sustained contact like that possibly since we broke up, and definitely since April or May. During that time, she asked the day after Thanksgiving if I worked on Saturday (which I did, but why ask that?), then asked if I could bring her a few things from the store, we communicated about what she wanted, and at one point she asked to borrow a D&D book because she’s apparently planning to play with her boyfriend and some of the friends he works with. In addition to the weirdness of her asking for help or a delivery for the first time since last spring and asking to borrow a book nearly a year after we broke up, one day she called me out of the blue (for the first time since like March) and wanted some homework help. I helped her, though perhaps I shouldn’t have, and I couldn’t help but notice that when I dropped her stuff off and when I retrieved the book I loaned her, she was rude and uninterested in talking to me, which is strange to me, but she was polite when asking for help.

I suspect my recent thinking about her is related to being lonely and having no developments on the meeting people or dating front. I’m sure if I was talking to someone, or if there had been any promising developments, I would have no interest in thinking about her or talking to her, instead of being lonely at night and wishing she would text me. As it is, I imagine I might hear from her once she returns from winter break, even if she doesn’t actually need help and just wants to test the lines of communication, as exes occasionally do, according to what I’ve read. My family have recommended that I block her and not talk to her, but I haven’t done that yet and I don’t know if I will.

On a more promising note, I’m looking forward to my days off after working this weekend. Last night was busy, and I bet today will be too- I heard something last night about the last couple days of this week being among the busiest of the year. That doesn’t surprise me- I’m sure people are getting in their last-minute Christmas shopping.

In the new year, maybe I should write here more often. Haha. Auf wiedersehen!

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