Uncertainty

I’m not sure what to write about.

It’s been about 7 months since the end of my first relationship, and a few weeks since my last contact with my ex-girlfriend. I’d say I’m probably over the breakup (though it seems like I’ve been that way for some time, honestly). I anticipate that she might reach out again this coming fall, but of course there’s always the possibility that, as she has said, we might never talk again.

I’m not a fan of the idea of never talking again, but I imagine, based on our interaction since we broke up, she probably knows that I’m not the one closing that particular door, and if she wants to contact me, I’ll probably reply. Last month while my siblings were in town, I did think it was strange that she tried calling me one afternoon. I didn’t see the missed call until a few hours after it happened. If I remember correctly, after looking on my phone I realized that was the first time she’s called me since March. I thought it was possible that it was a mistake (“butt dial”, “pocket dial”, etc.), but it seemed strange considering we hadn’t texted or talked for a couple weeks, and I imagine if she’s been texting or calling anyone since she went home for the summer it’s been her boyfriend and family.

I haven’t been thinking about my ex-girlfriend much lately, but the last few days I had been thinking about her after finally trying the restaurant she mentioned wanting to go to for her birthday if her boyfriend couldn’t come visit (though her boyfriend ultimately did come down, so I didn’t have to take her out for her birthday after all) and thinking about how it’s been about 7 months since we broke up. Today, I deleted a few pictures on my phone and ate the last bite of gelato in my freezer, which was from one day last fall when we bought gelato before settling in to watch Netflix.

She hasn’t been to my apartment since the start of the spring semester, but there doesn’t seem to be many physical reminders left. Sure, there’s the lamp she gave me for Christmas one year (the first year we were together, I think?), and various things I can associate with her (like the days when I would make fried rice for dinner or eggs and cinnamon rolls for breakfast), but not many (if anything) that I can physically handle and associate with a specific memory. Such is life and the passage of time, I suppose.

Less fortunately, I briefly looked at job postings today, and the idea of filling out job applications or tinkering with my resume is demoralizing. “Looking for a job is a job in itself”, and I know I don’t want to work at my current job forever, but I also know that I don’t relish the prospect of filling out job applications, updating my resume, and all the other associated nonsense. I do think getting a new job would help, if only so it might be something I enjoy more than my current job, which I have been doing for far too long.

In other demoralizing news, I’m not sure what to do on the dating front. I haven’t been very active lately, but online dating hasn’t seemed to work for me yet. Maybe it’s my pictures, or maybe I’m just not in a good spot (as family seems to think), which I sort of agree with. Walking in the park one evening earlier this week I saw several couples, which kind of made me wish I had someone to go on walks with and otherwise enjoy my summer, but at the same time I kind of am enjoying the single life and not having to be accountable to anyone. If I had a girlfriend, I’m sure she would have plans of her own (even if it was just planning our next date or trip together), and right now I’m free [within the confines set by my work schedule].

In more fortunate news, I’ve been using Duolingo for nearly a week. I’ve used it before, but never for this long. Studying German, French, Spanish, Welsh, Russian, and Chinese (the most recent I’ve embarked on) makes me feel accomplished, though studying Chinese keeps making me feel slightly stupid when I make a mistake.

I’m not sure what else I could write about, so that may be where I leave off for now. It’s weird thinking about classes starting in about a month- I’m not sure I’m ready for that, but I know I need to finish registering for classes and get all of that straightened out.

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On the Naming of Blogs

There are probably several schools of thought regarding blog names. One piece of advice for choosing a username I remember reading in the past involved looking at obscure words, which are definitely among my interests. One night recently after coming home from work, I started randomly thinking about names for a blog and came up with “Peripatetic Dilettante”, which I think would win prizes for “obscurity” and “spelling difficulty”, after contemplating a name incorporating “nomad”. The easiest blog name to spell is probably “A Blog”, or “[name]’s Blog”, or “My Blog”. Conversely, “Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophilia”, or something of that nature, would probably win a prize for “most difficult”, since the ease of spelling a word is generally inversely proportionate to its length. My spelling bee success in elementary, junior high, and high school would be less impressive if everyone found it easy to remember how to spell words.

Anyway, earlier today when I started thinking about blog names, before I actually created this blog, I had come up with “Fanatic Philomath” and “Polymath Aspirant” after finding “philomath” on which this page at The Phrontistery,  a site about obscure words that I hadn’t visited recently. The Phrontistery defines philomath as “lover of learning”, which definitely describes me, I think. The Free Dictionary  A quick Google search revealed that “Polymath Aspirant” had already been taken by a few people, which isn’t terribly surprising but still somewhat disappointing. I think I originally came up with “Fanatic Philomath” because I liked the fricative sound, but I then decided I didn’t like the sound so I looked at some synonyms. “Fervid” and “Fervent” also are fricative, but I didn’t like them as much. Then I thought of “ardent”, which fits and doesn’t sound too silly, for lack of a better term coming to mind.

While trying to think of a WordPress username, I started making anagrams of my name, which was fairly amusing. It’s been too long, apparently, since I amused myself by reading the dictionary and making anagrams. It’s almost like junior high or freshman year of high school all over again!