Uncertainty

I’m not sure what to write about.

It’s been about 7 months since the end of my first relationship, and a few weeks since my last contact with my ex-girlfriend. I’d say I’m probably over the breakup (though it seems like I’ve been that way for some time, honestly). I anticipate that she might reach out again this coming fall, but of course there’s always the possibility that, as she has said, we might never talk again.

I’m not a fan of the idea of never talking again, but I imagine, based on our interaction since we broke up, she probably knows that I’m not the one closing that particular door, and if she wants to contact me, I’ll probably reply. Last month while my siblings were in town, I did think it was strange that she tried calling me one afternoon. I didn’t see the missed call until a few hours after it happened. If I remember correctly, after looking on my phone I realized that was the first time she’s called me since March. I thought it was possible that it was a mistake (“butt dial”, “pocket dial”, etc.), but it seemed strange considering we hadn’t texted or talked for a couple weeks, and I imagine if she’s been texting or calling anyone since she went home for the summer it’s been her boyfriend and family.

I haven’t been thinking about my ex-girlfriend much lately, but the last few days I had been thinking about her after finally trying the restaurant she mentioned wanting to go to for her birthday if her boyfriend couldn’t come visit (though her boyfriend ultimately did come down, so I didn’t have to take her out for her birthday after all) and thinking about how it’s been about 7 months since we broke up. Today, I deleted a few pictures on my phone and ate the last bite of gelato in my freezer, which was from one day last fall when we bought gelato before settling in to watch Netflix.

She hasn’t been to my apartment since the start of the spring semester, but there doesn’t seem to be many physical reminders left. Sure, there’s the lamp she gave me for Christmas one year (the first year we were together, I think?), and various things I can associate with her (like the days when I would make fried rice for dinner or eggs and cinnamon rolls for breakfast), but not many (if anything) that I can physically handle and associate with a specific memory. Such is life and the passage of time, I suppose.

Less fortunately, I briefly looked at job postings today, and the idea of filling out job applications or tinkering with my resume is demoralizing. “Looking for a job is a job in itself”, and I know I don’t want to work at my current job forever, but I also know that I don’t relish the prospect of filling out job applications, updating my resume, and all the other associated nonsense. I do think getting a new job would help, if only so it might be something I enjoy more than my current job, which I have been doing for far too long.

In other demoralizing news, I’m not sure what to do on the dating front. I haven’t been very active lately, but online dating hasn’t seemed to work for me yet. Maybe it’s my pictures, or maybe I’m just not in a good spot (as family seems to think), which I sort of agree with. Walking in the park one evening earlier this week I saw several couples, which kind of made me wish I had someone to go on walks with and otherwise enjoy my summer, but at the same time I kind of am enjoying the single life and not having to be accountable to anyone. If I had a girlfriend, I’m sure she would have plans of her own (even if it was just planning our next date or trip together), and right now I’m free [within the confines set by my work schedule].

In more fortunate news, I’ve been using Duolingo for nearly a week. I’ve used it before, but never for this long. Studying German, French, Spanish, Welsh, Russian, and Chinese (the most recent I’ve embarked on) makes me feel accomplished, though studying Chinese keeps making me feel slightly stupid when I make a mistake.

I’m not sure what else I could write about, so that may be where I leave off for now. It’s weird thinking about classes starting in about a month- I’m not sure I’m ready for that, but I know I need to finish registering for classes and get all of that straightened out.

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Moving on?

I hadn’t realized, until looking at my last few entries, how long it had been since I’ve written a post. The semester ended, I graduated (but I’ll have to retake a couple classes), and thus far I’m enjoying my summer (relatively). I can write more about that later, though.

My main interest in writing here, at the moment, is to mark the six months since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. I think I’ve written about it here before- she wanted me to propose, and I didn’t want to marry her. While it’s possible I could have been more diplomatic and handled it better than I did, the fact remains that I didn’t want to marry her and we wanted different things.

This seems like as good a place as any to mention recent interaction with her, though there hasn’t been much of that. Continue reading

Winter Winds

The title for this post comes from the Mumford and Sons song, though considering my recent YouTube music consumption, a song from Hudson Taylor would also be appropriate, and arguably more so considering my ex-girlfriend introduced me to Hudson Taylor a few months ago.

I’m not sure how to begin. As I wrote in my last post, I’ve thought about writing about my relationship that ended just over a month ago, but after explaining the title I chose for this post I realized that I wasn’t sure what to say. It’s tempting to relate the title to the weather, which has been quite variable lately (bitterly cold, snowed and near 0°F early last week, warmed up to near 60°F this weekend, rained yesterday, around 35°F and windy today and some snow this evening), but I’ll try to resist the urge to digress too much. Continue reading

Beginnings and Endings

I hadn’t realized it had been more than six months since I wrote here, but somehow that’s not a surprise. I know I had forgotten I had this blog until recently- and I don’t even remember what reminded me. I think it was visiting some site that used WordPress.

Anyway, the big story in my personal life of the last month is breaking up with the girl that I had been in a relationship with for two years. While I’ve been wanting to write about it (particularly since we have sort of started communicating again), I also am leery of writing too much here. Among other reasons, it’s weird imagining her reading anything I write here (though I don’t think I ever told her I had a blog), to say nothing of her current boyfriend, her family, or Internet archaeologists of the future. Haha. Anyway, to abbreviate a long story, she had started talking about wanting an engagement ring and a wedding proposal soon, and I didn’t want to propose to her. After several weeks of arguing about it and her departure for the winter break, she gave me the ultimatum of either proposing or breaking up. I didn’t want to propose, so we broke up. We maintained sporadic contact (mostly initiated by her) for about the next week and a half, and at some point I apparently made her think I had changed my mind. Once I told her that I hadn’t, she said she didn’t want to talk to me unless I had changed my mind or unless it was about getting her stuff back. Aside from a few text messages, some of which I’m sure were intended to make me jealous or otherwise upset, we had stopped talking, which has been its own adjustment. I can write more about that later.

Unfortunately, the spring semester began Tuesday. On the bright side, I only have one class Tuesdays and Thursdays, but this good news is somewhat marred by the fact this class is at 9:30 AM (not good news for this night owl, especially on nights I work until midnight) and the fact that Mondays and Wednesdays this semester I have three classes spaced out between 11:15 AM and 6:45 PM. Of course, since the semester just started, I haven’t had any serious assignments yet, but I’m not looking forward to having assignments and projects due.

In other news, I’ve been playing a lot of Stellaris lately (and this was particularly true before this week). I decided to start working on another AAR, this time based on playing as a Trade League (ethoi: Pacifist Xenophile Materialist) after playing a brief game because I had never tried the Corporate Dominion civic. At the moment I’ve been having mild “writer’s block” not quite knowing how I want to start it. I have decided I want this to be sort of a history, rather than the narrative story based on another Stellaris game that I played last summer. With that in mind, I’ve decided I want to start with a sort of prologue of the first ruler’s term covering the first twenty years of the game. Right now I think I’ve decided on listing the achievements of the first term (information about planets colonized, technologies researched, economic growth, diplomacy, etc.) before I start writing the history proper. Of course, before I write that history, I’ll also have to play past 2220, and decide whether I want to go with the random election, or burn most of my current Influence reserve and keep my current ruler for another twenty years. Decisions, decisions.

Well, I’m overdue to go to bed, so that’s all for now. I’ll try to write more here later- if nothing else, writing a blog post might make me feel more accomplished than some of the alternatives.

Compatibility of MBTI types

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of reading about MBTI types. I am incredibly tempted to detail the history of personality typing, but for once I’m going to resist temptation. If anyone reading this actually doesn’t know anything about MBTI types or personality tests, there are plenty of other resources that are just a quick Web search away. How many people have Google, Bing, or their search engine of choice integrated into their browser? But I digress. I don’t claim to be any kind of authority on psychology, but a detailed treatment of the history of psychology and personality types is very much outside the scope of this post.

This Buzzfeed post “What’s your Animal Personality Type?” opens with a useful brief description of the MBTI dichotomies. I was going to start writing more about MBTI, but as I already said, that’s a bit beyond the scope of why I wanted to write this post. I’m not exactly sure why I started reading about MBTI recently, but I do know that when I’ve taken online MBTI quizzes before, I usually scored as an INTJ. I’ve noticed recently (here meaning within approximately the last 5 years) that I’ve also started occasionally getting INTP as a result. Maybe it’s all of the reading I’ve been doing on the subject recently, and taking a few unofficial online quizzes, but I currently consider myself to be an INTJ with INTP tendencies.

I’ve seen at least one YouTube video that has said that people get too attached to the four-letter code (e.g., INTJ) without reading about the four functions. The INTJ’s functions are Introverted Intuition (Ni), Extraverted Thinking (Te), Introverted Feeling (Fi), and Extraverted Sensing (Se), while the INTP’s functions are Introverted Thinking (Ti), Extraverted Intuition (Ne), Introverted Sensing (Si), and Extraverted Feeling (Fe). I haven’t done a lot of reading about the different functions yet, but regardless of whether I’m more INTJ or INTP I’m obviously not big on Feeling or Sensing. I think the differences between INTJ and INTP functions are interesting. Ultimately, the differences between INTJ and INTP are probably at least tangentially related to the idea behind this post. The Keirsey Temperament Sorter is similar (if not completely identical) to the MBTI, and calls INTJ “the Mastermind“, while INTP is “the Architect.”

With that out of the way, now to the other half of this post’s title: interpersonal compatibility. More specifically, romantic compatibility. I’ve never had any romantic relationships, which I’m sure this is a surprise considering everything I’ve written so far, and I don’t think I was interested in the idea of dating until I went to college, which probably has some relation to increased personal autonomy and increased availability of intelligent women. I’ve also never been very good at noticing flirting, and generally speaking I’ve had to have someone else inform me that I was being flirted with after the fact. I’d like to think that I might actually notice  if someone flirted with me now, but that would probably require having an active social life instead of sitting in front of my computer, which would in turn require a different work schedule. Anyway, when I was reading about compatibility of MBTI types last weekend, I thought it was interesting to find several different theories. I suppose this only makes sense, though – as I was thinking earlier today, when I was planning on writing this post, biology is messy, and interpersonal compatibility is, to my knowledge, still very much one of those things that we don’t know for certain. As far as we know, we aren’t characters in a computer game programmed with specific traits to follow a specific equation, so opposites don’t always attract and birds of a feather don’t always flock together.

Among the things I think are interesting about MBTI types and different websites is the different estimates for how common they are. INTJs are supposed to be at least one of, if not the, rarest types in the population, and I’ve seen estimates that INTJs seem to number between 1 and 4% of the population. Female INTJs are supposed to be especially rare, apparently.

One site I found cited a couple books on the subject, and said that the best types for a relationship with an INTJ are the ESTJ, INTJ, ISTP, and ENTJ, while a relationship would be possible between an INTJ and a INTP, INFJ, INFP, or ENFP, while the least likely relationship would be between an INTJ and ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTP, ESFP, ISFP, ENTP, INFP, and ENFJ.
The same site said that the best types for a relationship with an INTP are the ENTP, INTP, and INTJ, while a relationship would be possible between an INTP and the ESTJ, ISTJ, ESTP, ENTJ, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, and INFP and least likely between the INTP and an ESFJ, ISFJ, ISTP, ESFP, and ISFP.

Another blog I found listed a few different compatibility theories, which I’ll attempt to summarize.
The identical types theory is basically that each type is most compatible with itself, and least compatible with its opposite.
Ergo, INTJs are least compatible with ESFP, and INTP is least compatible with ESFJ.
The opposite types theory is the inverse, and says “opposites attract”, so INTJ and ESFP are most compatible, while INTP and ESFJ are, as you can probably guess, most compatible.
The main cognitive function compatibility theory says that types with the opposite main cognitive function are most compatible. Therefore, INTJ (Ni) is most compatible with ENTP and ENFP, while INTP is most compatible with ENTJ and ESTJ. The secondary function compatibility theory focuses on how the 2nd function of each partner is balanced by the relationship, so INTJ is most compatible with ENTJ, ESTJ, and ENFJ and least compatible with ISFP, INFP, and ISTP, while INTP according to this theory is most compatible with ENTP, ENFP, and ESTP and least compatible with ISTJ, ISFJ, and INFJ.

Compatibility based on tandem processes is based on opposite cognitive functions working together “to create psychological dynamic and balance. There are four pairs of tandem functions: Ne ↔ Si, Se ↔ Ni, Te ↔ Fi, Fe ↔ Ti. According to Keirsey, types who share tandem processes are more likely to get along well and find common grounds for understanding each other.” Keirsey also decided that the S/N (Sensing or Intuition) process had to be shared in this tandem process theory. According to this model, INTJs are most compatible with INTJ (surprise!), ENTJ, INFP, and ENFP, while INTPs are most compatible with INTP (surprise! again!), ENTP, INFJ, and ENFJ. Duniho’s compatibility model is the same as the tandem process theory, except he suggested that the E/I preference had to be the same, which would make INTJs most compatible with INTJ and INFP and INTPs most compatible with INTP and INFJ.

The Love Types model, based on a book titled “Love Types” by Alexander Avila that includes its very own dating website, is an interesting contrast to most of these other models in that it has different compatibilities for men and women of a specific type.
According to this Dr. Avila, INTJ men are most compatible with INTJ and INTP, while INTJ women are most compatible with INTJ and ESTJ (“provided the ESTJ is not a very strong Sensor”). INTP men are most compatible with INFJ, while INTP women are supposedly most compatible with INTJ, ENTJ, and ENTP.

Since 1200-odd words seems long enough for now, I’ll write an additional post later to cover a few incompatibility theories. Maybe I’ll even have feedback!