frustration

As anyone who has paid attention to my various social media accounts is probably aware, and as I’ve probably already said multiple times here, I really don’t like the writing class I’m taking this semester. On the one hand, I like talking about myself (or my problems, as appropriate), but on the other hand I also don’t like feeling like I whine too much, which is probably why I’ve almost exclusively limited my complaints to social media, my parents, and other mostly textual media. I could make whiny posts on Facebook every day, but I don’t, because I see enough boring/stupid/mundane posts (on a side note, I might be a slight Facebook addict) every day, and my posts that seem to most consistently get “likes” and other interaction generally seem to be puns, humor, and other relatively innocuous fare. At work, if anyone asks me how I’m doing or what’s going on, I generally reply with something vague and uninformative like “nothing much”, because I’d rather not extensively talk about my problems, nobody cares (or so I’m convinced), and it’s innocent small talk.

Getting back on topic, some reading about motivation and study habits has given me a few ideas for potential solutions, or at least things to try. One thing I read recently suggested having separate areas for “work” and recreation, which I think merits investigation. I know I’m easily distracted (as is evidenced by habitually keeping many browser tabs open, among other things), and when working from my desk in my room it’s all too easy to open a new tab and check Facebook (for example) if I get bored (which, with this writing class, is frequently). I seem to remember hearing this suggestion from at least one (and probably both, realistically) of my parents during my freshman year of university, though I don’t remember doing so. I do seem to remember visiting the library at least once, but I think I usually tried to just do my homework in my dorm room (and we can see how well that turned out).

Another solution I’ve been considering that I’ve read (and also probably been told before) is scheduling time to work on classes. There may be people who are disciplined enough to do their online classes right after waking up at sunrise, get everything done at once, and then enjoy their day, but realistically speaking I am not one of them (and not just because I’m a night owl who dislikes having to sleep at all). Time management, organization, and a few other things are, historically speaking, among my weaknesses. (See also social interaction, empathy, and non-verbal communication, but I digress)

I thought there were a few other things I wanted to try, but between my counseling appointment this morning (which mostly seemed to focus on being involved on campus, and not so much my recent lack of interest in my boring classes) and now, writing a blog entry some fifteen hours later (almost two hours after I got off work), I seem to have forgotten them. Making to-do lists was something discussed this morning, I can remember at least that much. I know I’ve tried it before, but my problem is generally that I then proceed to ignore the to-do list after making it, as if I’ve achieved something simply by writing it down, and writing it down will make it happen. Sadly, I’m afraid that works better for fiction than to-do lists.

I’ve also been thinking lately that I spend too much time on Facebook, or at least look at it too frequently – if I only looked at it once a day, or even less, it would no doubt be more interesting than my current practice of looking at it at least a few times a day, if not at least once every couple of hours or so.

I remember being frustrated at work tonight while I was thinking about my frustration with myself and how every class I’ve taken at my current university has been easy, but (for the most part) I haven’t really been applying myself. Of course, as I may have written here before, I’ve noticed there’s a very strong correlation between my grade in a class and my interest in a class (easy and/or interesting? A! Relatively easy, but requiring lots of study and memorization? B or C, maybe). One of these days (if not this semester), I’m going to exhaust the gen eds and start taking upper-level courses, which will, maybe hopefully eventually, be more interesting.

I’m beginning to run out of things to say, and it is, after all, 2 in the morning, so I should probably go get ready for bed. This week I’ve been fighting a cold, and after being congested today I’m hoping that it’s on its last legs. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, I’ll wake up and this rhinovirus will have been defeated.

Quotidian

For some reason I woke up really early this morning. My usual routine, at least in the past few months (and now I don’t remember how long that time period is, but I’m going to say at least six months), has been to go to bed sometime after 2 AM, usually, and wake up somewhere after 9 PM. This morning, I woke up after 7 AM (I don’t remember exactly when, but between about 7:15 and 7:45), and after messing around with my phone for a while (hooray for having the Internet in the palm of your hand!), I got out of bed about 8 AM and had breakfast (Nutella on ricecakes).

After my roommate left for work and I got some coffee around 9, I got a little bit of writing homework done, which felt nice and is a welcome alternative to the lack of motivation/procrastination unto neglect that has plagued me the last couple weeks. Unfortunately, I think I was most productive before about 11 AM, but every little bit helps. Continue reading →

Still it moves

I am indeed still alive. I’m not entirely sure why I’d forgotten about this blog, but a friend recently posting an entry about her two-week hiatus from Facebook to her WordPress blog reminded me that I too have a WordPress blog. After skimming my previous entries, I realized I hadn’t written anything here for almost six months.

In early August 2014, I moved with my roommate to a new apartment, and about a week after we moved my brother moved to the same city I’ve been living in for a year and a half now (!) to attend university. In contrast to my half-time academic status, he’s a full-time student and, if I remember correctly, his goal is going into sports medicine (or physical therapy or something like that).

I’m having trouble thinking of any major events from the last six months, but I guess there doesn’t always have to be something exciting. (Below the cut: What I’ve been doing since July 2014) Continue reading →

Anniversary

I’ve had this blog for a year now, and I’ve written 10 posts (well, 11 counting this one). After renewing the domain name registration yesterday, I decided that if I’m going to bother shelling out 26 dollars for a year of registration I might as well make it worth my while, so I’ve resolved to post here more often. I’m not certain what I’ll write about, but perhaps I can deposit some of my creative writing here. What else are blogs for, right?

I don’t think I personally know any of the 16 people who currently follow this blog in real life, but much the same could be said about my 66 Tumblr followers – of those, I know 3 or 4 in real life, and the other 63 are people who apparently decided I was worth following. At least I know most of my Facebook friends in real life, though I’ve considered trimming my friends list a bit because there are a few people I’ve never been particularly close to. Anyone I graduated high school with (might) get a pass,  but of those 30-odd Facebook friends (since a few people have deactivated their Facebook account) that still leaves another 180-something people with active accounts. For example, from the people I met during my freshman year of college (almost 5 years ago), there are several people I’d consider friends who I’m not at all interested in deleting, and there’s also at least one guy I never remember talking to, but we lived on the same floor of the dorm, so I assume I added him at some point during the heady days at the beginning of the year when “add everyone who lives on your floor and everyone you meet on Facebook” doesn’t seem weird. Oh, freshmen.

It also seems really weird to think about how today’s the halfway point of the year. I wonder what the last half of 2014 holds? I wonder what I’ll be doing to celebrate New Year’s? Questions, questions, questions.

It’s already July?

I don’t know why I don’t write here more often, but in case you were wondering, I’m still alive.

I was going to take a writing class online this summer, but after much procrastination I decided to withdraw from that at the end of the second week and try again sometime when I was actually interested in starting off on the right foot (so to speak).

After the spring semester ended (I definitely could have studied harder and done better), I had a few weeks off. These were spent working and doing not much of any significance or interest, which could probably summarize my summer so far. Hooray for being an adult!

My most recent adventures, at least in real life, involve weddings. I had a cousin’s wedding the weekend before last (more on that later) and about a month ago, I accompanied a friend to a wedding reception. For both events, I wore a tie like this, which says “Ties suck” in binary (ASCII) and was purchased shortly before prom my junior year of high school. Has it really been 6 years since 2008? Continue reading →

Long Time, No See

I had pretty much forgotten I had this blog until one day recently, when I saw an e-mail in my inbox, with the subject line saying something about the impending expiration of the domain name.

A lot has happened in the almost five months since I’ve last written anything here, and I’m not quite sure where to begin.
Right now, the spring semester is beginning to wind down, and I have my last tests of the semester (before finals) this week, I think. There are two weeks left in my semester, plus a few days until my final exams. I haven’t worked as hard as I should this semester, and at this point I’m ready for the semester to be over and done with so I can focus on starting (and succeeding in) new classes.

In addition to my lackluster academic performance, I’ve also been working about 32 hours a week for the last couple of months, and I’ve had a couple of car accidents. Thankfully, nobody was injured, but I’m sure the wrecks are (or have been, or will be) reflected in my car insurance costs somehow.

Briefly:
The first weekend of February, I took a brief road trip to see some college friends. After staying up late Saturday night, and meeting them for brunch Sunday morning, I started driving home early Sunday afternoon. As I drove south, I encountered snow as I drove into a large city, and after navigating traffic in said city, and other wrecks, I was probably driving too fast, and while trying to change lanes and pass someone (I think), I went off the road and hit the median barrier in the middle of the highway shortly after leaving said city. I was physically unhurt, mentally shaken, nobody else was involved, and cursing my own stupidity. Other than a couple of state troopers who checked to make sure I was okay and a guy in an army uniform who offered me a drink or a cigarette, I think I spent about an hour in my car on the side of the road before a guy roughly my age (early-mid 20s) with a pickup truck and chain offered to pull me back onto the road for $20. He pulled me back onto the road without too much trouble, and I managed to drive a little bit further before I had to pull over. My car wouldn’t travel any further, because (as it turned out) my transmission line had been broken, and my front bumper had been torn off. I called a tow truck, who pulled my car to a local body shop and (after I made a couple phone calls and made arrangements) dropped me off at a friend’s apartment, where I spent Sunday night and most of Monday before my roommate came and picked me up after he got off work Monday evening. I hated feeling like I was imposing on my friend’s hospitality, but I didn’t mind watching the Olympics and talking to her, so that could have been worse. According to the car shop, it was going to cost $3000 something to fix the car, and since it was a 1999 Ford Taurus with 136 thousand miles on it (and therefore worth maybe about $1000), it wouldn’t have been worth fixing all of the damage.
Going a week without a car wasn’t fun, but eventually my parents brought another car down for me.

Just over a month later, on St. Patrick’s Day, I was in a hurry and worried about running late on the first day back from spring break, so I didn’t clean enough of the frost off my windshield and ended up hitting another car at the stoplight right outside my apartment complex’s parking lot. My airbag deployed, and again, luckily nobody was injured (other than the car I was driving getting a dented hood, and the Ford Mustang in front of me), but then I was worried about having to go to traffic court (once the police officer gave me a ticket). After that, I had no interest in continuing with my day as scheduled, so I returned to my apartment.
I drove that car around for a couple more weeks until (about a month ago) my parents brought down another car and the car I had been driving was taken away because the insurance company decided to total it out. (2006 Chevrolet HHR, worth about $7000, estimated about $5000 to fix, plus whatever needed fixed under the hood)

Basically, I’ve been sort of in the used car market for almost two months now, though I’ve really only gotten semi-serious about thinking what I want in roughly the last week. As with the current state of the semester, at this point (and I’ve been here for a while) I’m ready to find a car and start making payments so I don’t have to worry about deciding what I want or trying not to wreck the car I’m driving now. Since it’s spring, though, I shouldn’t have to worry about snow, ice, frost, or anything worse than wind, rain, or hail. Even then, driving in rain is different than driving through snow, ice, or any other form of frozen water.

That seems as good of a place as any to leave this entry. I have a couple of tests I should probably go study for, even if I’d rather play Crusader Kings II all night.